An Apple A Day...

Hello friends!

It's been another long while since my last post.  I apologize for not writing consistently for you to keep you updated about the goings-on in my life.  I would like to tell you that I've been busy with projects but honestly, I've been kind of lazy, depressed and unmotivated.

I have been to the doctor (exciting, I know) and am working on trying to be a "better", healthier me. 

I discussed the headaches that I've been getting for a couple of years now & she said that they are indeed migraines and has prescribed some medication to help.  The first time I tried the medication, I had some pretty severe reactions to it.  My throat got tight, I felt extremely light-headed & dizzy, I was extremely nauseaus and almost went home from work.  There was also what felt like an extreme pressure in my head until the headache faded.  These feelings lasted about 2-3 hours.  I talked with my doctor about this & she mentioned that those are side-effects that can occur.  She prescribed a lower dosage and the last migraine I had, I took one of those pills.  I felt a little pressure in my head for about 30 to 45 minutes then poof!  It was gone!  I haven't had another migraine since & it's been 3 days!  She wants me to go in for an MRI to make sure there aren't any underlying problems causing the migraines so I'll have to schedule that appointment soon.

We also started discussing some other issues that I've been having. 

For my insomnia, she told me that I can continue to work with over the counter sleep aids (since they are working & once we go down the path of prescription sleep aids, you can't really go back) or I can try taking a melatonin supplement to try and regulate my sleep schedule.  So while I was picking up my new prescription, I picked up some melatonin & have been taking that.  It takes a couple of months to assist but it's a more natural way to train my body to sleep than taking medication.

I talked about my weight & overall health.  I got my bloodwork back & it looks pretty good.  My cholesteral isn't bad but could be better and everything else looked ok I guess.  I'm going to have to call to discuss the results over the phone so I'm sure I understand everything.  As far as nutrition goes, she's referred me to a nutritionist and told me that trying to focus on small accomplishments (for example, telling myself to walk 30 minutes, 3 days a week instead of, "You must go for a walk every day") will help me get started.

She also referred me to a phone number so that I can find a therapist that is covered by my insurance.  That will be really helpful and help me with my depression.  I know I'm depressed & my doctor mentioned something to me that it appears as though I've been dealing with it for so long that I've just accepted that this is how I feel and I've coped with it as best as I can.  Well, I'll tell you all - I'm tired of coping with it!

I found out something interesting...  Depression can lead to insomnia, migraines & weight gain (well, that part I knew) & I know it has a huge effect on my motivation to get up & excercise or eat right.  Maybe if I can get that under control, the rest will fall into place.

I will be heading to another doctor to get the "womanly" stuff worked on.  Maybe the depression has something to do with the reason why I haven't gotten pregnant yet.  We'll be looking into all of that soon too.

How are you doing?  Have you been to the doctor recently?  Are you working on making yourself a healthier, happier person?  What are the struggles you deal with when trying to be healthy?


I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

It's March Already?

I know...  It's been a while...  A LONG while.  I'm sorry, readers.  I've kind of been on a "bender" of sorts.  No, there's not been any liquor involved (I'm not sure if that part is good or bad but I guess it is what it is) but I have been pretty out of sorts.

I'm pretty certain that there comes a time in everybody's life where everything just seems so overwhelming.  It's hard to feel like you're in control, which in reality, you're not.  That fact is very unnerving to me.  To feel completely out of control and so unsure of anything and everything...  I forget that with my faith, it is these times that I should be lifting my worries up to God & letting Him handle them because after all, He is the one that is really in control.

I'm struggling a lot with what information to include in this blog.  I really don't have a problem with sharing different tidbits of information but there are other people in my life that feel that personal information & venting should be done in private and not in a public forum.  I find that it can be helpful for me to write my thoughts down "on paper" and share certain things with others to obtain a different point of view and perhaps some advice.  For things that I believe too personal to share with just anybody (especially on a public blog where most people know exactly who I am), I do have a private blog but I hate to keep so many of you in the dark (assuming, of course, you actually enjoy reading my "real" thoughts!).

I would like to be able to write about how I really feel and not worry about people being upset with me.  I feel as though people believe Facebook should only be for the "happy" things in life and never to vent or voice your opinion about a personal situation.  I don't want to just write about the "happy" things.  That's not being true to myself or being honest with those around me.

I do agree that you shouldn't bash people publically on Facebook (for example, to have your status be:  My [sister, brother, mother, father, spouse] is such a/an [insert name-calling here]!  I can't believe [he/she] [insert exactly what they did here]!) , however I feel that it is ok to state that you're frustrated/upset with someone (leaving them nameless) & to vent a little.  It gives your friends an opportunity to share some perspective & support your way.  I know I could use all the support I can get.

So what do you think?  What would you consider to be too personal to share through a public blog?  Where do you think the line should be drawn?  Is it ok to write about your encounters with other people as long as you don't include their names?

Feel free to share this blog with others!  I'd like as many opinions as I can get!

So many thoughts..

I've been hit with a bit of nostalga this morning...  It started with thinking about snowball fights and the fact that I've never been in one.  Mike was stunned.  He then asked if I've ever thrown a snowball & I told him, "Yeah.  Like at you."  I went on to explain that I didn't have many friends while growing up and that I was on the edge of the school district.  All the other kids in my neighborhood were either a couple of years older or 3 years younger than myself.  Except for one girl.  We played Barbies in her closet.  She had one of those 3 level homes with the elevator on a string.  Recently, she sent me a friend request on FaceBook but I didn't respond...  The last time I remember being together was when we were having a sleepover and she was playing loudly with a whoopie cushion and my father came downstairs and smacked me.  The next night, we spent the night at our other friend's house & we got into a fight and I bit her.  She called me a vampire and told me she wasn't going to be my friend any more.  Talk about awkward.

Now, I'm a "grown up".  I am an adult with responsibilities and many insecurities.  They say that the past shapes us into who we are today.  I know that's true.

I have dreams, ideas and goals...  Many hopes and desires...  There are so many things that I would like to do with my life that I feel I cannot focus.  When I feel like I get a handle on what I want to do with my life I am struck with a feeling of ...  I don't know what the feeling is but I'm reminded that I had another goal and I question why I don't want to or am steering away from that goal when I want it equally as much.  I find myself unable to prioritize my dreams.  Obviously, I can prioritize them in order of reason - which is the most sensible to follow, which is the most financially feasible...

For example:

• I want to be a teacher.  Either 3rd grade-ish or high school english/literature.
• I want to be a veteranarian.
• I want to be a marine biologist.
• I want to open my own restaurant/bar & grill.
• I want to be a stay-at-home mom.  I want to home-school my children or get them in private school.
• I want to get a degree - in communications, in education, in english, as a veteranarian.

Those are just my professional goals.  Yeah.  They're pretty different.  Obviously, becoming a teacher, veteranarian & marine biologist require a specific degree.  I need school for those and lots of it.  To open my own restaurant, I need funding.  I have screwed up some finances so much there's no way I'll get funding for that.  To be a stay-at-home mom I need two additional things:  Mike needs a well-paying career & we need a child or two.  Yeah.

So one of the things I was exploring with my education (so that I can choose one of these) was to get a degree in communications.  This would allow me to explore my teaching options as well as give me a "fall back" for other businese solutions (ie: working for corporations).  I decided to go this route and then finances fell through and the world dropped out from beneath my feet and I didn't complete my AA Degree.

Now I'm starting to dream about it again.  I want to succeed.  I want to get my associate degree.  I have to be honest...  Mike never liked school and when we left everything behind in Indiana, he focused on school and has his AAS degree.  Then he was going on to get a Bachelor's Degree and we found that the school was pretty crappy.  I'm jealous.  He hated school.  He didn't want to go.  I've sacrificed my education to work and to attempt to provide for us.  It's one of the things that makes me resentful but that's another story for another day.

I have ambition.  I know I do.  I have confidence, sometimes, and I want to do my job to the best of my ability.  I want to be successful and impress people. 

I felt proud when I started at Lane Bryant back in September 2009 as a part-time sales associate and within 3 months, I was promoted to a full-time sales leader.  When they announced that they were closing our store, I worked my butt off to get things done.  I stayed late, I came in early, I planned the floor, I packed the store...  I was even the person who would stop into a store and by chance, someone wouldn't be coming in & I would be asked to work their shift.  I was the person who drove 4 hours in a snowstorm to get home from a location that was about an hour away because they needed help.  Then, it felt like all of that didn't matter. 

There were two people, I think you know who you are, that were supportive and kind.  One in particular brought me over to her store after mine closed so that I could keep a job and maintain my seniority.  It was hard though.  I began having major issues at home, I was having my own emotional issues that now were going untreated (I had finally started getting them treated) because I no longer had medical benefits, and I was irritated at the person who couldn't tell me more than one week before I wasn't going to have a job whether or not I was staying with the company.  Then, when I moved to the new store and was with my supportive team, the district manager became someone cruel and unreasonable instead of supportive but firm.  This attitude trickled down to my store manager and it got to the point that I was ready to leave and needed some time away to clear my head.  We both felt the pressure from the district manager and I felt completly lost.  That's when she "came back"...  My store manager who was my mentor...  She sacrificed and gave me what I needed and greeted me with open arms when I came back 3 weeks later even though I fully expected to be unemployed when I came back.  From what I hear, the district manager, remains a cruel, unsupportive, unreasonable "b-word".  It makes me angry to see that the people who were my friends; the people who gave me my strength and support are being treated so cruelly.

It makes me want to do something. 

But what?  What can I do?  I don't work for the company anymore, although I know now that they would give me a weekend job if I asked.  Even if I did, I would be unable to do anything because I would be starting over again.  I would be a sales associate - sorry "stylist".  :)

Anyway...  I've apparently opened up a dam of my thoughts and they keep pouring out.  I should stop here otherwise I'll keep going until I'm late for work!  lol

I hope today finds you all well.



I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.