Hello Again Friends

Whew! I don't know about you but I've been very busy. It seems as though life flies by and the next thing you know it's almost Halloween! I cannot believe it. *shakes head*

So there's a lot that's been going on and I've been trying to figure out more of who I am and where I'm going. I've decided that I want to move to San Francisco. Michael and I are young (well, not getting younger anyway) and we don't have any children yet; no house to tie us down and if we're going to do something like a major relocation, we should do it now.

Mike has asked me why I feel like I need to go. I feel as though when we were there, I was happy. I felt different. Not because it was vacation (which was great anyway) but there was just something else underlying.. It was like I had an inner peace. It's all silly, I know, but I'm completely unhappy in this area - with the exception of family. I'm tired of the crappy winters and the humid summers and I'm tired of feeling like I'm stuck.

So I think I'm going to do it. I've started some job & apartment searching and have found some potential leads. It will be difficult but I feel like this is something I at least need to try.

The sad thing is that I'll be away from my mom and during the transition, I'll be away from Mike. We don't want another Indiana situation with nothing to come back to so we'll try to work this out.

It won't be for a little while but it's definately something in the works.

Mike says that he thinks I'm trying to run away. I don't feel like I am. I'm thinking about the whole thing logically and seriously and not letting my emotions just make the decision for me. If it was just my emotions making the decision, I'd either leave tomorrow or just go back to bed and not go anywhere. It's nerve-wracking (is that the word??) and I can feel it in my stomach and nerves the more sure I feel that it may be a healthy choice for me.

I am afraid of people thinking I'm selfish. I don't want that. I'm not trying to be selfish. I'm not used to making healthy decisions for me and I need to start or I don't know where I'll be.

Anyway, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. I'll try to keep up a little better for you. You're always welcome to stop by DecideToLoveEveryDay.blogspot.com (I post more regularly) where I try to find at least one good thing - big or small - in my day.

Feel free to share this with a friend. Maybe someone else has similar experiences or knows someone I can room with in San Francisco while I settle into a job and find a permanent place to live with my husband.


I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Dreaming of France

So I had a dream last night that I flew to France.  I remember getting on the plane but when I was in France, I didn't remember any of the flight (looking out over the ocean, going through the airports...) and I was upset about that.  Mike went to the hotel room and crashed and I went out to explore.  It was morning and I walked into a cafe or bistro or something and decided to order a coffee with milk (cafe au lait) and a pastry of some sort but I was speaking in french!  I was remembering the french I learned in high school & while I spoke slowly, I was doing pretty well.  Even the barista or whatever she was was impressed.  I remember being nervous in the dream that I was an American but the girl didn't seem to care.  We started talking about my travels (this is when I remembered that I didn't remember anything about the airports or the flight) and I discovered that I didn't have a passport.  For whatever reason, nobody had asked for one.  I panicked so after drinking my coffee and eating the delicious pastry, I contacted the US Embassy & found that I had gotten a passport and that someone had delivered it to them as a found item.  I was completely relieved and went to pick it up then I started to explore.  I spent the whole day walking around and enjoying every bit of beauty there was.

This dream was pretty strange for me because it was very non-descript.  With good dreams, I usually have a lot more detail.  There's a lot of color and I'll remember the specific locations or faces or at least what they were wearing or can describe where I was.  This one was black & white with greytones.  I don't remember what the girl who helped me looked like and cannot describe the buildings that I saw.  I remember being in awe of the beauty but I didn't see any of it in my dream, I only saw myself with a fuzzy background.

I want to travel.  I want to go to France.  If I was alone, I would probably travel a lot and do odd jobs to stay somewhere for a while.  Living in cheap places..  Own only what I can carry..  It sounds like it would be a pretty amazing life.  What do you think?  Where would you go?  Have you ever dreampt about a vacation?


I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

A Quick Update

So, it's been quite a while and for that I apologize.  I've been so distracted that I haven't taken the time to write to you & let you know about the things going on in my life.

I'm not going to take a lot of time here but I figured a quick update would assure you all that I'm still alive and doing ok.

My husband & I decided to adopt a pair of green cheek conures.  We've named them Booth (born on 01/01/11) & Bones (born on 01/04/11) and they're pretty well bonded and seem to enjoy being around us (for the most part).  The dogs are very excited and for the 2 "incidents" we've found that they would be more than happy to make them a snack.  It's kind of stressful but pretty cool since birds are one of the animals that I've secretly harbored an interest in owning & working with.  They can be expected to live 20 to 30 years although with proper care can live up to 40 years!  Isn't that amazing?!

Anyway...  They're all sitting at home with my husband while I'm here at work.  I volunteered for this holiday because an email was sent out announcing that if nobody volunteered for it then people would be selected at random.  I'd rather volunteer for a late shift than be chosen for the early shift.  It's just so much easier.

I hope this post finds you all well.  Happy Memorial Day!


I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.