Whew! I don't know about you but I've been very busy. It seems as though life flies by and the next thing you know it's almost Halloween! I cannot believe it. *shakes head*
So there's a lot that's been going on and I've been trying to figure out more of who I am and where I'm going. I've decided that I want to move to San Francisco. Michael and I are young (well, not getting younger anyway) and we don't have any children yet; no house to tie us down and if we're going to do something like a major relocation, we should do it now.
Mike has asked me why I feel like I need to go. I feel as though when we were there, I was happy. I felt different. Not because it was vacation (which was great anyway) but there was just something else underlying.. It was like I had an inner peace. It's all silly, I know, but I'm completely unhappy in this area - with the exception of family. I'm tired of the crappy winters and the humid summers and I'm tired of feeling like I'm stuck.
So I think I'm going to do it. I've started some job & apartment searching and have found some potential leads. It will be difficult but I feel like this is something I at least need to try.
The sad thing is that I'll be away from my mom and during the transition, I'll be away from Mike. We don't want another Indiana situation with nothing to come back to so we'll try to work this out.
It won't be for a little while but it's definately something in the works.
Mike says that he thinks I'm trying to run away. I don't feel like I am. I'm thinking about the whole thing logically and seriously and not letting my emotions just make the decision for me. If it was just my emotions making the decision, I'd either leave tomorrow or just go back to bed and not go anywhere. It's nerve-wracking (is that the word??) and I can feel it in my stomach and nerves the more sure I feel that it may be a healthy choice for me.
I am afraid of people thinking I'm selfish. I don't want that. I'm not trying to be selfish. I'm not used to making healthy decisions for me and I need to start or I don't know where I'll be.
Anyway, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. I'll try to keep up a little better for you. You're always welcome to stop by DecideToLoveEveryDay.blogspot.com (I post more regularly) where I try to find at least one good thing - big or small - in my day.
Feel free to share this with a friend. Maybe someone else has similar experiences or knows someone I can room with in San Francisco while I settle into a job and find a permanent place to live with my husband.
I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.