Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A little about my life..

So I'm talking with someone at work about her car.  Apparently, she's got to have some work done on her car & the Honda dealership gave her a free rental.  The rental car is a Ford.  She was initially upset about it because she's not familiar with Ford cars but when she started to think about it, she thought, "Huh..  Ford's are cheaper than Honda...  Since I put so many miles on my cars, I might as well go with a cheaper one."  So now she's thinking that whenever she gets around to getting a new car, she may look at Ford.  LOL

I would love to get a "new" car.  Unless there's some huge, fantastic deal for a new car, I'm pretty sure I'll be going with a "pre-owned" one.  I'm thinking of a small SUV or Crossover.  We'd love the extra room for the dogs & for anything else, actually.  And Mike has told me that the next car we get is all mine.  :)  That's so exciting!  I'll be driving the car & enjoying some freedom...  Not having to come into work hours before I need to..  Being able to give people rides if they need it.  We were thinking that we would be getting a new car around Christmastime but I just got a call from Mike's sister in California & she is planning a family reunion next summer with family that Mike hasn't seen for years (like since his father was alive).  I told Jennifer that we're a go.

So anything that we were thinking we may be able to afford for a new car has to go into saving up for a trip.  I'm going to begin doing research and figure out what we need to save & how it works with what we need to take care of.

Have a great Tuesday!

~ S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Beginning

Good morning everyone & welcome to the last couple days of August!  I'm ready to start my new week & a new month.  Are you?

To the kids heading in to the first full week of school for the 2010-2011 school year..  How are you feeling today?

I missed my dentist appointment on Saturday morning.  I COMPLETLY FORGOT.  How do you forget when they send you a text message & e-mail two days prior then call to remind you the day before?  I don't know what happened but I didn't even set an alarm because all I was thinking was that it's the weekend & "besides..  I wake up by 10 - no problem."  Yeah.  So I need to call & reschedule.

The rest of my weekend was spent lounging - eating frozen burritos (heated up, of course) & Velveeta Shells & Cheese with broccoli, yogurt & frozen fruit bars - and watching 24.  After sleeping until 12:30 on Saturday, I didn't sleep again until napping intermittently between 3:30 & 5:30pm Sunday.  Then we went to bed around 10:30 and crashed.  Seriously though...  I did nothing constructive.

Oooh!  Except that I scrubbed out the Crock-Pot so that I could make BBQ Pork sandwiches Sunday & I got it all clean, set up the Crock-Pot & took out the pork that was mostly thawed (yup..  Still a little frozen in the center), opened the package & dumped it in the pot and was nauseated immediately by the smell.  WTF.  I put it in the freezer 2 days before the date & took it out of the freezer around 8pm Saturday night & opened the package at 9:30am Sunday morning.  What did I do wrong?

Anywho..  The pork situation was very diasppointing but other than that, I enjoyed being out of touch for the weekend.  I didn't have my phone near me at all. :)

What did you do this weekend?

~ S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Friday, August 27, 2010

A Short One Today

Good morning.  I'm kind of tired & my right eye is bothering me so far..  This should be an interesting day.

I've got a lot to do this weekend.  Lots of cleaning & preparing for my friend to come visit next week.  Hopefully we'll get to spend some time together.

So...  Mike locked his keys in the car yesterday.  LOL & WTF.  I was a little upset just because we had to rely on family to come help us since we don't have a second car right now but it was really nice that he didn't completely freak out like normal.  He's making such a great effort to become a better person & I think he's doing very well.

That's about all I have to say right now.  I'm going to go chill & read The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. Have a good day!

~ S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Particular Sadness...

This morning, with a Starbucks mocha frappuccino, I began reading The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender.  I remember reading an excerpt about a month ago - the first chapter - and being hooked.  I was glad that it was on the list for this month's Real Simple's No Obligation Book Club. Of course, I didn't get the book until last Friday - they had already completed the book. I've decided that I'm going to read it anyway since I really enjoyed the first chapter. So far, I haven't been disappointed. It's an easy read with insight into a 3rd-grader's perspective on emotions. At least, that's what I'm understanding so far.

I'm hoping to actually get the next book (which hasn't been decided yet) before they are almost finished with it.  Maybe I'll work on getting my library card next month so I don't have to continue buying these books.  :]

Have any of you read anything lately?

I guess there's not much more to write today.  There are family issues but then again, there always are.  I have to write to my father & step-mother to explain how their decision to not associate with me makes me feel and one of my sisters is upset with me because she misinterpreted what I was asking. 

We bought my mother & step-father a large gift last year for Christmas & her boyfriend put it on his credit card with zero interest.  We were supposed to divide it between the siblings & I asked her & her boyfriend (figuring that one of them would be able to give me the figures since my sister wasn't sure exactly how much it was) for something in writing so that I would know how much it was & how we were dividing it.  I guess my presentation isn't always the best and she became angry, thinking I didn't trust her.  I didn't mean that at all but her response to me was very frustrating.  I don't know...  I never know where I stand with her.  If she's reading this, I hope she understands that even though she upsets me at times, I still love her.  I want our relationship to be good but it seems as though it's always rocky - just like my "relationship" with my father & step-mother.  I'm sure that her feelings tie in with her opinion of that situation but we can never talk about it.

Anyway...  I'd better get going.  I have to clock in & get some things done today.

- S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Happy First Day of School!!

So today marks the first day of 6th grade for my sister Rebecca (11) and the first day of 8th grade for my sister Kate (13).  I called them this morning to wish them a happy first day of school.  To all those enjoying the first day of school today (especially in school district U-46) - HAVE FUN!  Make the most of this year - you can accomplish great things.  ^_^

I am enjoying spending my mornings on here...  Blogging away about nothing and hoping that some of you are reading this and enjoying a glimpse into my mind and heart.  I'm a little late at beginning this post and was actually thinking of skipping it for a moment until I realized that I didn't want to.  It's a habit that I would like to believe I'm forming and hopefully, I will continue with this habit because it not only helps me organize my thoughts and provides me with an outlet but it has the potential to show me that I can form healthy habits.  Eventually, I will be getting up earlier in the morning and going for walks - maybe even eventually jogging or running - and focusing on eating healthier too.  That's what I'm hoping for anyway.  I'm very much a person that needs to tackle things very slowly.  I need to focus on one thing at a time.

I have a Netflix subscription and spent some time yesterday adding movies and a couple of television shows into my queue.  Last night, Mike & I had burritos and began watching 24.  OMG  What a great show!  I couldn't stand to watch it on television.  Having to wait a week for the next episode???  That would simply be torturous!!  We began with season 1.  Have any of you seen it?  Well, so far (we watched 3 episodes) there is an African American presidential candidate that has a threat on his life.  The main character's daughter has been kidnapped with her friend and the main character is not only struggling with his marriage, but now at work, he's found that someone on the inside has been the leader of the plan to take the presidential candidate's life.  It's such a tense show that keeps you hanging.  You want to keep watching - this I remember from the one marathon that I watched when we lived in Indiana.  I couldn't stop watching (until my husband came home and began playing his video game with his friends).

Well, I guess that's about all that's on my mind this morning.  I hope everyone is doing well.  Happy first day of school to all you "kids" out there.

- S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

New (Old) Hobbies

So I've found myself reading a lot more lately..  I enjoy absorbing myself in someone else's world for just a while.

I have just finished reading a couple of books in the past few weeks.  I've read Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult,The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan, and just last night I finished Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs.  Running With Scissors was a very interesting story.  Some parts made me a bit uncomfortable, some parts made me feel sad and most of it caught me completly off guard and I thought, "That couldn't possibly have happened."  Yet, it's a memoir so it's based off of the truth of what happened in Augusten's life.  I'd love to read this with a book club..  It would be very interesting to hear what other people were thinking while reading this book.  I wonder if anyone would be interested in joining me for books..  Maybe the Coffee Ladies group?  We could meet a couple of times a month..

Ah...  Another idea to start something that I'm not sure how to begin.  I have the idea, I can spread the word but beyond that, it's like I either lose the motivation or don't have the required drive to complete the thought.  Maybe getting in touch with someone at the library would help.  I could create a poster and put it up to start a new group.  I could put something up at Starbucks (I love going there) and maybe even at Barnes & Noble, my favorite book store.

Of course, I've done this before.  Brainstorm how to get something started and don't follow through.  I have so many dreams and goals for life but I'm not sure which direction to head.  Has anyone else ever run into this problem?  I'm lacking direction!!!  So frustrating...

Here's just a glimpse into my thoughts.

I love my job.  I finally have a job that I enjoy with a company that I'm proud of working for that I know that I can grow with and make a career out of.  My husband & I are tackling out past debt & mistakes and I feel as though we're finally making headway with that.

Having said this, I still think about moving away to a place that "I'd rather be".  I don't want to be far from my mother, step-father & my siblings but I hate the climate here and would love to be near the ocean. 

I've always wanted to live in a coastal area.  I remember imagining my home on a cliff overlooking the coast or living in a beach house on the ocean or living in a town within walking distance to the ocean.  I have even applied for the Coast Guard but they turned me away due to my weight.  That's when I was healthy!  I don't know what it is about the ocean that draws me as opposed to a lake but it's always been an ocean in my thoughts and dreams.  I even move my Sims to the coast as soon as possible!  Of course, to have any of these homes, it requires moving away from my family.

I also dream about the way that I will be..  The habits I will form to be a healthy, happy person..  I love reading books where the person gets up and goes for a run with her (or his) dog every morning.  I want to have a very clean but inviting home, I want to be organized and eat healthy and be a woman that other women envy.  It's all very superficial, I know but I want that. Yet, when it comes to "real life", I can't seem to motivate myself to get up and get moving.  I'm sure that has something to do with my depression that sometimes seems to envelop me into a sea of darkness but how I wish I could just break free and live my life the way I dream.

Ever since I worked at Grumpie's Pizza I've thought about opening up my own restaurant.  I even went so far as to scout out locations at my college down in Decatur, IL for my sandwich shop to open up my sophomore year.  Of course, I was detoured and never went back and while I know that I wouldn't have met my husband (at least not for years), I do somewhat regret that decision.  I'd like to finish my Bachelor Degree. When do I do this? What do I major in? What do I want to do for the rest of my life? Not knowing where my hobbies and happiness lies is not helping with this at all.

I still think about owning my own restaurant though.  My husband has expressed to me a desire to own his own bar and so we've kind of combined our dreams to include each other.  "One day" we'll open up a retaurant with a bar.  We want to be unique and I will design the menu.  The bar will be pretty separate from the restaurant and we will have different hours for the sections but that's as far as we've gone.  I "know" that we won't do this but I still think it would be nice..

I love my crafts, I love to draw...  I want to crochet beautiful blankets and sweaters; I want to create beautiful scrapbooks and decorations that people are proud to show off in their homes.  I would like to make my own jewelry and be able to make beautiful gifts.

I love to write.  Of course, it's always been journals but I want to write a memoir or a novel.  I've started a few projects but never seem to finish.  I am afraid that with a memoir, people will be upset with what I write.  Even though it's my account of my life and a reflection of my emotions, there are certain people that would be very upset with what I write.  Some people may feel uncomfortable with what I write when I write about the effect that they had on my life and while I'd love to finish my thoughts and tell these people exactly how I feel, I'm afraid that it wouldn't be well received.  Maybe that's why I'm starting this blog?

I want to be a mother.  I don't think that this is going to happen.  My husband and I have spoken about it and have discussed the possibility of eventually adopting but then I think about the fact that I won't be able to experience the wonders of pregnancy and childbirth.  While I would never say that any woman who has adopted is not a "real" mother, I don't want anybody to think that of me - if we were to one day adopt.  Of course, in 3 years I will be 30...  With where we're at financially, emotionally...  We're not prepared for a child - adoption or otherwise.  Then, of course, I'd like to be able to stay home with my child(ren).  How am I supposed to have a successful career of any kind when I'm home with my kid(s)?

Anway...  Sorry with how long this is.  I told you my mind is a tangle of thoughts!  Hopefully by writing this all out and getting some feedback, I will be able to work through some of it and find a direction in my life with achievable goals.

Have a wonderful Tuesday.

- S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Good Morning!

Hello!  Welcome to my new blog.  Yup, that's right.  It's new.  It's one that I'm going to (hopefully) post to pretty regularly that you're actually allowed to read!

I got the inspiration for this blog from a song by Ingrid Michaelson.  It's called Be Ok.  I'm pretty much an emotional wreck (which I'm sure if you don't already know this, you'll be finding out soon enough!) and found this song on Playlist.com while searching for another one of her songs I heard on the radio, The Way I Am.

Anywho...  I'm just writing a hello to my future readers out there.  Please feel free to comment as you'd like - they won't be showing on my blog but you'll be able to send me your thoughts (which I welcome and appreciate) any time!

I felt pretty productive this weekend.  I got some shopping done (groceries, basic toiletries), my husband helped do dishes & trash, we did 5 loads of laundry - including putting the clothes away! - and I scrubbed the bathroom completely.  My goal for the next week is to complete laundry, send our old stuff off to charity and re-organize the kitchen cabinets.  They're driving me crazy!  I've also got a dentist appointment on Saturday so I'll be doing that too.

I'm trying to stay positive.  It's so hard after being in the bad habit of letting yourself drown for years, you know?  I figure if I can think positively and stay up on housework then I will become a healthier and happier person.

Have a wonderful day everyone!  I'll try to remember to post tomorrow.  Hopefully, I have some interesting things to say!

- S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.