Monday, September 13, 2010

Just wanted to say hi

Good morning & happy Monday!

I don't have a lot of time this morning...  I had my husband drop me off at Target so I could enjoy the beautiful weather this morning & stop in to get a Starbucks Java Chip Frappuccino.  I really enjoy my treats!

Anywho..  I hope that everyone had a good weekend.  Mine was pretty good.  Caught up on some sleep, watched a lot of 24 & even spent some time crying.  Apparently, yesterday was just one of those days that I needed a good cry.

There's a lot to think about in my life...  I have some things that need to be taken care of and some people to have conversation with..  I know that there's a right way to handle things but I'm not completly sure of what that way is.  There's pain and misunderstandings and confusion for a lot of people and it's weird that while there's a suggestion of keeping the lines of communication open, I'm not sure I believe it.  Besides, there's someone else I'd rather communicate with who apparently can't communicate with me.  You would think that someone who supposedly loves you would try to communicate through the pain.  I mean, it's been years and nothing..  It's a two-way street and I guess that there are too many stresses in life for this other person to deal with the stress of trying to communicate with me.  It makes me sad but it's not something unexpected.  It used to hurt so much more.  Am I just numb to the pain?

Anywho..  That's what's on my mind.  I have about 10 minutes until my shift begins and I want to have a good day.  I want to be calm and efficient.  I want to be the best that I can be & I want to succeed.  I want to succeed so badly, I'm not sure that anyone truly understands.

I hope that you succeed.  I hope that you can be successful in whatever it is you strive for.  I hope that you can be strong and will achieve your dreams.

Ha!  I just remembered that when I was younger, I used to think of myself as a strong person...  I was strong enough to handle what was happening to me in my life.  I used to look at other people that were struggling with something (physically, emotionally) and put all of my energy into praying (closing my eyes, pushing my energy; my strength) into that other person..  "God, please help him/her.  Please give them my strength so that they can get through this situation a little easier.  Please help him/her be okay.  Please take whatever strength I have so that s/he will be ok."  I remember the people I used to do this for & I remember feeling so happy and relieved that they made it through.  I remember thinking that after I did this prayer that they seemed a little stronger and that they seemed to feel some relief.  My boyfriend, my sister, my friend, my mother..  I prayed for them the most.

I don't feel strong now.  Not like I did then.  Not even close.  I remember when I started feeling like this & thinking that I had no more strength left to give.  I hope I can rebuild it and be everything that God wants me to be.

~ S

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I Just Want to Be Ok by Sarah A. Manning is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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